Intersection

“I will be with you wherever you go.”

Those were the words Chrissy and I heard from God in our prayers around early October/late September of 2011. These words would water, nurture, and grow a calling that eventually led us to a decision: a decision to leave youth ministry at the Hilltop church.

I cannot say enough about the people at Hilltop and how much they have blessed Chrissy and I with love, generosity, and grace. I am humbled and truly amazed by the beautiful family God gave us for the past two years. It has been a powerful experience to be called out of service and into unknown waters.

The term “emotional roller coaster” is an understatement when reflecting on the past four months. More like emotional skydive! But amidst all the fears, tears, worries, excitement, hope, joy, and frustration… there is peace. Peace but also temptation. Temptations to avoid the steps that are being laid out before us and pursue a more comfortable path.

I cannot stress how stressful it is to attempt to channel your ambition, drive, and determination towards the path God has for you when you are unclear as to where that path leads! Just reading that sentence is stressful isn’t it? Still, I am learning that one does not need to know the destination of a path in order to walk it.

This road that has been laid before us is both unsettling and exciting. A few people have asked me why I left youth ministry. These two unsettling and exciting ideas are the main factors.

I am excited and unsettled to live a new vision for “church.” My faith in Jesus and my desire to follow him is leading me out of church buildings, loud worship services, and away from pulpits on stages. Instead, I am tugged towards a different manifestation of a faithful community. I am excited and unsettled by the picture of an open home, and the idea of holding loosely to possessions, money, time, love, grace, mercy, and life for the sake of friends and a community that I believe God will bring.

I am excited and unsettled by the movemental ways of Jesus (yes movemental is not a real word). I have found that my thinking is often monumental not movemental. What can I build? What can we do that will make an impact? Which system or structure is most important in this situation? However, the more time I spend with Jesus the more I hear, “where can we go together?” “How are you going?” And most importantly, “Who can you bring with us.”  I’m not so sure if Jesus wants me to build big churches. In fact, I’m not so sure if that is his purpose for anybody. Instead, I am feeling called to create movement. Specifically, movement away from an individualistic way of being and towards a way of being… communally. There are many faith practices in our world that teach you a way of “being” individually. You spend your life focusing on your inner being. When I read the Bible, pray, and listen to God I hear a call to a way of “being” in community. Here the focus is on “our” being. That focus will change everything. The communal lifestyle might spread quickly and widely, but the focus is on “our” way of being and living together.

Chrissy and I believe that we have been called to chase these two exciting and unsettling ideas. This pursuit has led us out of our current church context. I have no idea where I will be led. I know that these thoughts push against everything I know to be true about church in the American cultural context. I know that these ideas challenge what pastors learn at conferences and outreach seminars here in the West. I am aware that our current faith culture celebrates attendance numbers, and I know that this could mean downward mobility. So when I get scared I hold onto these words,

“I will be with you wherever you go.”

Thank you to everyone for your warm thoughts and heartfelt prayers. I beg you to continue to pray for Chrissy and I as we attempt to channel everything we have towards the road that God has laid before us.

photo originally found here.